Chika Ike’s RAZZ magazine cover page……The Gospel Truth

The minute I saw these photos I knew I’d to throw-up. DAMN! these are moments when words don’t seem enough. Where do I start from? Well the cover page. Chika you have a big head, thought you’ll avoid bulky hair, but no…..you Love them, infact see how gay you look, like some kid licking an expired candy!
Then this lowly cheap dress, good Lord. What Aba tailor must have sewn this? And the fabric screams #100 per yard. Then your road side jewellery. Honestly, the last time I saw these jewellery was when I visited my grand ma, and her maid had them on. And I’d to ask her to remove them and gave her some monies to buy something better. And you gladly wore this on a magazine cover? Wait, I’ve never seen this mag, be like say u enter one chance ooo. How come am just seeing the rubbish magazine now, seconds after you gladly fell prey to them? Guess what? You have furthered there ministry.

Honey, I cannot begin to tell your how tasteless you poses look. Like where the hell have you been? What sup with this village champion poses? Thrusting your ass backwards so obviously, in abid to create some illusion. Girl I put it to you, that you are a learner!
I cannot understand why a D-list actress like you will let her image be associated with such gross cheapness of the highest order? Well, if you’d stylist you’d have been advised against this. It looks like you guys dropped by an Nnewi ‘Ifesinachi Looking Good Boutique’. yanked these rags off the rack, picked these ugly jewellery and found the next photo studio to do this joke.

Chika, time waits for no one. You desperately need to upgrade, all these igbotic swags won’t take you anywhere, it’ll just limit you to Idumota dramas. You can also sue the magazine for defamation of image or any damages you can sue for, am guessing you can. Consult with your lawyer, cause this is a huge blow to your brand image that’ll only take time and money to heal.

Mysterious Yours

The Great Anonymous

Femi Fani Kayode: A Thief, Tribalist, Sexist, Womaniser and Busy Body.

We have all endured a lot from Femi Fani Kayode. And I feel it’s high time he gets put to his place.
How a prestigiously educated man can loose himself to such loudness and bigotry beats me. Well, Femi Fani kayode is obviously suffering from severe irrelevance, bitterness, frustration and loneliness.
Coming from a large political home, I know how it feels when you are without an appointment or elected position for a whole term. 4 long years. Its frustrating to say the least. Might not be the lack of money but just the lack of power and authority.

Femi has tasted them both, money and power, and honestly letting go is never easy. Its the hardest thing to do, and so, it’ll take every ounce of discipline to control one’s self. And this discipline or self control have never been a part of Femi’s diction.

Talking about Stella Oduah’s incompetence, I have nothing much to say except that she’s one woman I’ve seen her working and not talking. The airports are all there for us to see.
While reading Femi’s holier-than-thou essays I’d to go google him, and without turning to the next page, I found morethan disgusting things on him. Here are the things I found, and you’ll find my personal notes in bracket. ENJOY!

“Fani-Kayode was the Special Assistant (Public Affairs) to President Olusegun Obasanjo from July 2003 until June 2006. He was appointed the Minister of Culture and Tourism of the Federal Republic of Nigeria from 22 June to 7 November 2006 and as the Minister of Aviation from 7 November 2006 to 29 May 2007
” ( highest form of confusion. A lawyer, who was a special assistant, then a minister of tourism and a 6months long minister of aviation. What happened to people who actually specialize in these sectors, and what experience or knowledge does he have in these areas to effectively function??)

(Our assuming self acclaimed saintly FFK with so much dent in his career)
‘Femi Fani-Kayode was investigated and arrested by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) in July 2008 in connection with the alleged misappropriation of a 19.5 billion naira (approx.US$300,000,000) “Aviation Intervention Fund” but the investigation was eventually closed and the charges were later dropped for lack of evidence of any wrongdoing on his part.’

‘Again the Senate Committee on Aviation in early 2008, investigating the allegations of misappropration of the same Aviation Intervention Fund initially recommended that Fani-Kayode be banned from holding public office for five years………… In June 2007 he was reported to have had an affair with one of his former aide, Miss Chioma Anasoh who was arrested by Nigerian customs agents on suspicion of attempting to illegally launder US$240,000 via Abuja airport. Fani-Kayode allegedly arrived at the scene and facilitated her release. Anasoh later denied that her arrest had ever taken place (as expected) and also sued the newspaper that alleged that she did so for libel at the Lagos High Court(all na fronting). Fani-Kayode also denied the claim that he went to the airport to facilitate the release of Chioma Anasoh and he also said that she was never caught or arrested at the airport with US$240,000 or any other amount (like a thief will ever agree to stealing).’

‘Fani-Kayode was again arrested on December 2008 by the EFCC and was charged with 47 counts of money laundering (there can never be smoke without fire). These charges had nothing to do with the Aviation Intervention Fund but rather with some lodgements in his private bank account. Fani-Kayode stated that he was innocent and that the lodgements were funds that accrued from his own private businesses and legitimate sources and had nothing to do with government funds. He alleged that the investigations of the Yar’Adua government and the EFCC were politically motivated, and that he was being persecuted in the same way as other colleagues from the Obasanjo government, such as Nasir Ahmad el-Rufai and Nuhu Ribadu, for their ties to President Obasanjo “( Ninety-nine days for the thief, one day is for the owner. Femi, your days are numbered)

Well, I took the liberty of visiting some blog and sharing some of the comments generated from Femi’s controversial request for the sack of Minister of Aviation, Princess Stella Oduah.

-“Yes I agree this woman is incompetent. But shut the fuck up Femi Fani kayode. See ur bad breath Oozing mouth idiot!!!

Even if they fire her u aint getting her job u scum of the earth! U got the chance before her, what did u do sucker?

U should be gathering a compendium of ur court defensee for the monies u stole to go and buy ur mistresses houses in Dubai and london respectively! OUR MONEY!

Look who’s talking part 1&2. Look who’s talking NOW..the final series..yea..u actually depict the dog in that comedy ass hole!

If u had done the right thing everyone would be applauding u now for constantly seeking media attention. But joblessness is the cause of ur daily spew not the passion u have for Nigeria or her ‘children’. Agbaya oloshi. Shameless crackhead, hungry dog.

I despise u so much for ur gross hypocrisy. Same way ur ex boss OBJ cannot stand the sight of u. Why would everyone be avoiding YOU if there isn’t something fundamentally wrong with u Psychotic lunatic”.

– “And FFK is speaking because . . . .? I still ask, what policy did he put in place for safety as Aviation minister that has been discarded by this minister? That is what he should be telling us so we can all “bite” the present minister. Problem is not with Stella (not that I agree with her statement) but what has been; and it will take time to put right, gradually. I think FFK just has an issue with ladies; especially those from a certain tribe. If he did not contribute any tangible thing to the Nigerian society, especially aviation, he does not have the right to keep making unnecessary remarks. He should stop seeking cheap popularity in the name of fighting for the Nigerian society. We have seen his lot before.”

– “WILL SOMEONE TELL THIS FANI KAYODE TO STOP DISGRACING HIS FAMILY ALL OVER THE PLACE. TO KEEP HIS SMELLING MOUTH SHUT.

FEMI IS AN IMBECILE. MUMU MAN- DID THEY TELL HIM AIR ACCIDENTS ARE CAUSED BY AVIATION MINISTERS? MONKEY MAN, WHILE HE WAS MINISTER FOR AVIATION, HE WAS APPOINTED WITHOUT HAVING ANY EXPERIENCE IN AVIATION OR RELATED MATERS (A BIG RISK). HE SPENT ALL HIS TIME TRYING TO CONCESSION THE AIR SERVICES/ASSESTS TO PRIVATE COMPANIES BELONGING TO HIMSELF AND HIS PAYMASTERS.

FEMI YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO NIGERIAN YOUTHS. YOU ARE A TRIBALIST. GOD PUNISH YOU FOREVER.”

Femi, you’ll agree with me that Nigerians find your lousy opinions unsolicited for. You are as corrupt as the word can get. Incompetence is your watchword, who made you judge over us all?? Who made you saint with no blemish? You are a failure. And you’d embrace reality. See how irrelevant you are at this young age. Well, am sure you know that Nigerians will rather die than have you back, cause you have just proven to us how tribalistic, immature, uncouted and indisciplined you are.

Well, this is when you retire to your country home, and live a life of service and not nuisance. Grow a garden, water it and watch it grow, turn to the Lord for he only can grant you the belonging and relevance you so much yearn for………..and be a better man for your wife, daughters and most importantly yourself.

Mysteriously yours

The Great Anonymous

Typical Case Of Mbgeke Feeling Funky……..Celebrity Stylist Toyin Lawani As A case Study

Contrary to popular opinion, I hate to be the bearer of bad news. But since no one seems up to the tasks, I have to get them done.

Toyin Lawani has defiled fashion, she has contaminated it, with her foul and offensive style. How can this chic be paid money to dress people? Na wetin she go wan give you wear? Toyin is as razz as the word can get. Like those Ajengule area girls. Look how ridiculously cheap she looks. Even Dubai’s construction workers look more stylish in their dirty over-alls than this Lagos certified Runs Girl.

Like we all KNOW the gist. This your styling gig na cover story. Like your alias. Toyin, give fashion a rest, you do not have a drop of it in you, see how you rendered that Versace Print dress koboless. Like, you have ran Versace down completely. Who go wan wear am again?? Defo not humans.

My 2-cents to you madam! Pick a vocation your best in………..urhmmmmm…..let’s say RUNS…….start an escort agency. No, you no geh class for escort agency, let’s say runs girls cult. Give them your contacts as u don hook that boy, you go wan retire shey? Hook them girls up and you’ll be receiving your cool percentage. No work, No sweat. How does that sound?? Guess you’ll be screaming…..”DAYYYYYUUUUUM!!!” As your brain no think am till now, well thank me later.

Do that and let’s see how it goes. For now, its CIAO from me……….X0X0

***y’all will notice I kept switching to pidgin back and forth, well, that was only for Toying to fully grasp what am saying cause, as we all know, na hustler, real street girl. How best to appeal to her if not by stooping down to her level?***

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous

Celebrating Failure…….Anna Barner’s Welcome Party

Seeing photos from Anna Barner’s welcome party was disturbing to say the least. WHAT DA FUCK is wrong with MBGN? Isn’t it enough that you have soiled our image abroad with Anna as your flag bearer? You had to bring the dagger closer to home and our hearts.

Why the fuck are you welcoming her back? Did she win a behind-the-scene trophy that wasn’t captured on TV? Why do we celebrate failure?

Anna gleefully paraded her self on the red carpet. What’s most consoling is the fact that she aced the theme right…..GRIEF! Hence the battered little black dress she wore.

I’ve said more than enough, please return to your duties and let’s pretend you are actually doing something. Thank you

Mysteriously yours

The Great Anonymous.

When Rita Dominic Aimed For The Upper East Side…..And Ended In Brooklyn’s Red Light District

Well, today, we have our self obsessed Rita Dominic in our fashion trash bin, as always. Well, I do not honestly understand this. How can she be wearing wellies, and that hideous short, the bunch of hair, and the hose, effortlessly channelling her inner street rep……..RiDi, style is effortless. And honestly, you have lost it, might be the ridiculous hypes and those hugely underserved style awards that got to you. Here’s the deal, You were PUNK’D.

Now look where you are……………………down in Brooklyn looking like some $1 bill hooker! Oh I know its rough down there… But you gotta stay strong until you fashionably redeem your self.

*** Next time you shouldn’t be in a hurry to snap such a horrendous selfie and what’s more make it our DAMN business ***

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous.

Beverly Osu’s magical boobs

Between BBA the chase and now, Beverly’s deflated and shrunken boobs have suddenly turned voluptuous and huge, as depicted in the new cover of the Complete Fashion Magazine, so am assuming its part of the magic of photo-shop or proper and tight packaging or an enlargement (if she can afford it). Naaahhhh, the best push-up bra out there wouldn’t do this, Beverly, what have you done to your previously flat cha-chas??

On another note, Bev, please your glam team should stop using neon coloured lipsticks on you, they make you look tired and exhausted. They don’t fit you! And your brows are too dramatic, what happened to less is more?

Well, cheers for the cover, atleast your ‘waka about’ has earned you a mag cover.

Karen Igho Bares It All

I feel I have over used the words ‘trashy’ and ‘tacky’ and this is one of the moments when words fail me, and my brain shuts down for lack of proper means to convey my utter disgust. Karen, you were supposed to use the $200,000 dollars you won from Big Brother Africa to refine and polish your self above every other thing. To learn how to dress like a lady, how to act like a lady. True to the saying, “you can take a girl outta the streets but you cannot take the streets outta her”, and Karen you have just proven that saying right.

Oh Karen, you look like a tired hooker, hotchy mama….this dress has just shredded you of any drop of dignity you ever had. Who advised you to do this? You don’t even have the face to pull this, cause at the end of it all, we’ll wanna look at the face and see if its worth forgiving, and u are ugly to put it mildly which is equally unforgiving…….Karen, if you still have any bit of that BBA money, please splurge yourself with classy pieces, Less is more honey. Leave everything to the imagination. You cannot display your goods like its a trading floor. Get a stylist and fix this ‘escort’ image you have effortlessly built.

In the words of legendary Coco Chanel. ” A lady must be two things; classy and fabulous”
And you’ll all agree with me that Karen is thousands of miles away from ever being a lady.

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous

WOW!! If It Isn’t Our ‘Tremendously Hyped’ Best Dressed Actress, Rita Dominic…..

“Who’d Imagine that this is one of our most stylish actresses looking like a destitute? In an airport? Presumably travelling abroad to soil our fashion image over-seas.”

Now, to start with, I’d never thought of Rita Dominic as a bit stylish. Well, I wouldn’t blame everyone with all the hypes she’s gotten over the years.
Oh common guys! What the fuck makes Rita stylish? The inappropriate skimpy dresses she wears? Or the bohemian hair she’s always on? Oh wait, maybe the pumps she’s always rocking, which?

Well, this photo of Rita only affirms what I’ve been screaming to every one that cared to listen all these while. The lady has no ounce of style! I totally dig casual chic and of course the grunge look, who doesn’t ?….but I honestly do not know what the fuck Rita was aiming at. Maybe a bit of both…………well, girl, you looked like a confused mess. Who in her right senses will style a spaghetti strap long dress, a bolero with a Hi-top sneaks?

Honey what you only succeeded in doing is rendering that beautiful $3550 Louis Vuitton leather tote worthless ( assuming it’s authentic).
What’s it with these Nollywood girls with luxury purses and cheap clothes?

Rita, you are almost 40, quit dressing like an 18 year old. And drop that hideous hair. We’re tired of it! Then get rid of the shades. it ain’t ‘werking’ .

*** if there’s anything worst than trying too hard, is trying too hard and not getting it at all.***

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous

Transfer Of Frustration: When Charles Novia & Segun Arinze Went Too Far

I promised my self that I wasn’t gone say anything about Jim Iyke’s deliverance. Cause honestly I couldn’t be bothered. He’s human, and at some point in each of our lives just like Paul’s we’ll all have that encounter that’ll change our lives for good. I said a silent prayer for him and hoped he keeps to this new found believe.
Then a blog visitor sent me a mail drawing my attention to some statements made by Charles Novia and Segun Arinze. I was petrified. I’d always thought Charles was one of the few reasonable guys around. Cause I always found most of his criticisms spot on. But this? I felt he’d lost faith in God for obvious reasons. From a stale career, to the flop of a book he wrote, to the irrelevance his name commands. I mean, each time he talks, he’s always on and on about the early 2000’s when Nollywood was still confused. Charles is a bitter old man!!! He’s frustrated beyond reasonable doubt. How can he still be in the industry with all he’s done; back-stabbing, betrayals, kiss & tells and still remain unknown or better still……..FORGOTTEN!? When last did you make a good movie charles? I mean a very good movie? When last did you make headlines?? How many people on the street really know who you are? Honey wake up and smell the coffee on the table. You are history! A has been! A thing of the past! Hitting on people will never give you the peace of mind and importance you crave for. Turn to God! He alone can grant you the belonging you so much yearn for.
Hold on, you can’t even make a damn good film with those A-list Nollywood stars cause they’re all fucking scared of your loud mouth to tell on them, you’ve lost their trust. That’s why your stuck with talentless fake new actresses. Dude, retirement is bliss……embrace it! Sad thing we don’t have retirement homes in Naija, would have recommended one. And just so you know Jim Iyke will be remembered any day Nollywood is mentioned even in a 100years to come. Sadly I can’t say same of you. We can hardly remember you now, how much more when you are no more? I guess you’ll fade off like you’ve never existed. LoL

“This Jim Iyke’s deliverance video at the Synagogue trending looks too contrived. It’s a big embarrassment. Has anyone ever seen demons come out live and speak? Una fit stand demons? Una carry Nollywood enter Church, abi? How much did he get paid? I’m just wondering. Make una stop all these nonsense play. Haba. Stranger than fiction!”

Above is what segun Arinze sent across on Blackberry.

Segun, I’d completely forgotten there was once an actor like you. Silent Night Right? That’s what I remember you for. And honey, it was in black & white. Then the worthless chivita(NTA) advert, they couldn’t even have it on AIT.
Segun, you and I know that you get NO scripts. Its really heart breaking and it’ll only take the grace of God to survive such humiliation when infact you are still young, maybe younger than our beloved RMD. But there you are, with no career. I loath you. How dare you accuse T.B joshua of paying Jim? Or would you have rather had him pay you? Well guess what, your name doesn’t carry substance, and how many people can even remember you? Your FACE cannot sell anything! Not movies, not brands, and definitely not a church! So, calm down, Jim had nothing to do with it ‘extinction’, direct your bitterness, anger, anguish, sorrow and frustration to God. He alone can bring a good script your way.

So, why does every one feel SCOAN made a big deal outta this? They always broadcast their services and deliverances on Live telecast, facebook, Youtube etc. Or did you expect them to stop cause of Jim?

Beverly Osu’s Birthday………..The Fashion Horror

So, Beverly celebrated her birthday at club Aura. With every Abuja guy drooling for passes ( as usual). Ewwwww! Double Ewwww!!……. Beverly looked horrible as always( atleast she changed her hair). Well, what caught my eyes however, and the main reason for this post is the disgusting singlet Beverly’s beau Angelo wore, not to think of the nauseating kiss they shared#spits#. Then the photo finally made me puke. How could he possibly not have anything decent to wear, so he left his country to come here and rock his worthless singlet? Didn’t Beverly see him leave their hotel nest?…..Well, other BBA house-mates present equally looked awfully dressed……like they had no clothes?Well, thank God I didn’t have to bear this.

So, my friend got news that I’d arrived Abuja and decided to ‘treat’ me with an invite to the event.
Our convo, Me: ‘urhmmmm, where’s the party at?’ Him: ‘Aura’, Me: ‘you know I don’t do Aura. Between, who’s gone be there?’, Him: ‘Bev, Angelo….the whole BBA crew, Derenle and some other people’……and I went like ‘ lovely. But, No Thanks. I’d rather curl up under my duvet than attend that party, cause you know me. I’ll just be disgusted’
Him: ‘you never change, same old you. You should go intern with Joan Rivers already!’ Me: ‘ honey, get me her contact and I’ll be on the next flight to L.A, love you…..enjoy you party and fill me in. Ciao’
True to my words. Just seeing the photos alone got me angry. So, am really glad I stayed back.

To Angelo, get back to your damn country, y’all are just seeking for relevance and Beverly is just the perfect way to get some. Lagos will NOT welcome you, and Abuja guys will only turn you to their next door hommie when they’re done with you, ask Uti, he knows more. So run along now, back to where ever you came out of.

Happy Birthday Beverly. Really wanted to send a lil note to you, but just changed my mind, last minute.

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous.