Beverly Osu’s Birthday………..The Fashion Horror

So, Beverly celebrated her birthday at club Aura. With every Abuja guy drooling for passes ( as usual). Ewwwww! Double Ewwww!!……. Beverly looked horrible as always( atleast she changed her hair). Well, what caught my eyes however, and the main reason for this post is the disgusting singlet Beverly’s beau Angelo wore, not to think of the nauseating kiss they shared#spits#. Then the photo finally made me puke. How could he possibly not have anything decent to wear, so he left his country to come here and rock his worthless singlet? Didn’t Beverly see him leave their hotel nest?…..Well, other BBA house-mates present equally looked awfully dressed……like they had no clothes?Well, thank God I didn’t have to bear this.

So, my friend got news that I’d arrived Abuja and decided to ‘treat’ me with an invite to the event.
Our convo, Me: ‘urhmmmm, where’s the party at?’ Him: ‘Aura’, Me: ‘you know I don’t do Aura. Between, who’s gone be there?’, Him: ‘Bev, Angelo….the whole BBA crew, Derenle and some other people’……and I went like ‘ lovely. But, No Thanks. I’d rather curl up under my duvet than attend that party, cause you know me. I’ll just be disgusted’
Him: ‘you never change, same old you. You should go intern with Joan Rivers already!’ Me: ‘ honey, get me her contact and I’ll be on the next flight to L.A, love you…..enjoy you party and fill me in. Ciao’
True to my words. Just seeing the photos alone got me angry. So, am really glad I stayed back.

To Angelo, get back to your damn country, y’all are just seeking for relevance and Beverly is just the perfect way to get some. Lagos will NOT welcome you, and Abuja guys will only turn you to their next door hommie when they’re done with you, ask Uti, he knows more. So run along now, back to where ever you came out of.

Happy Birthday Beverly. Really wanted to send a lil note to you, but just changed my mind, last minute.

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous.

Work In Progress……..

Hello dolls. I’ve been working on a better and more attractive customised blog theme as you can see some changes. I can only hope that I finish on time today, so I can do an evening post. And I hope you like the new face of the blog.

Most importantly. I’ll like to thank every one of you that has indulged me and the blog so far, returning day after day to see what’s new. I promise to get better contents for you, like wine, I hope we all get better with time. Trust me, the average daily views is crazzzzyyyyy for a new blog. You’d think that we’ve been here for 6months. You all made it possible. Well for now, ciao.

Will endeavour to atleast make a post today. Can’t wait to finish up.

XoXo

The Great Anonymous.

Anna Banner: The Stolen & Wasted Slot

We all watched in awe when Ben Bruce, MBGN and silverbird rigged this year’s pageant in favour of hunched, stunted and fat Anna Banner as the MBGN Queen and tragically Nigeria’s rep to the Miss World pageant. Over obviously more deserving contestants, Miss Kano and Miss Imo.

I knew she wasn’t going far so I wasn’t surprised but pleased as I watched the Live telecast on Silverbird TV. What shocked me most however, was the fact that the Miss World organisers actually cleared and allowed her compete. With no talent, charisma or standard statistics. I was patiently waiting for her return as a looser. And she granted me the pleasure of saying that she wasn’t even amongst the top 20, and I didn’t see a single video clip of hers. Meaning she was as good as absent at the world beauty pageant.

Sometimes I feel the only Nigerian who could ever win the Miss World pageant has done so in 2001, Agbani Darego. She was black, intelligent, 5.11 feet tall, slender and a perfect balance of beauty and brains. Until MBGN stops rigging this pageant, Miss Nigeria organisers might as well petition for a franchise right since they seem to be doing a better job. I mean, compare Ezenne Akudo to Miss Banner. You’ll understand that there’s no bases for comparism, clearly Miss Akudo is thousands of miles ahead of Miss Banner.

So, as Anna shamefully returns to the country, we only hope that next year MBGN will sit up and not be deceived by fair skin, make-shift British/American accents cause the last time I recalled, Abgani didn’t have any neither did this year’s 1st and 2nd runner ups Miss France and Ghana respectively. And of course there’s only little that they can do, they might have dashed her the MBGN crown, but they surely couldn’t get her a spot amongst the top 20 or atleast a 30second clip. Cause guess what? The Miss World organisers don’t give a hoot about the fucking Bruces or any dick head that might have lobbied Anna as MBGN 2013.

*** I’ve declined to grant Anna the satisfaction of having her fat face on this post. Wishing her a shameful return, and the very best to Miss Imo as she’ll fly our flag at the forth coming Miss Universe .

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous.

WizKid Dayo & The Nouveau Riche Syndrome

Well, there’s always an adjustment issue for anyone coming from Wizkid’s considerable lowly background and absolute obscurity to such moment of considerable money and fame, its like a whirlwind trust me. Wizkid has made his twitter page a sodomy ground of some sorts. From cussing at fans to now this disrespectful tweet at who ever the ‘slut’ of the girl might be!

I understand. He’s found money and a lil recognition and feels every one needs to fucking listen to him talk. That midget of a boy, dick sucker…….yea, you heard me right( he swings both ways…LMAO!).

With such impressionable fan base consisting of teenagers, you’d expect Wizkid to be a role model rather than a terrible bad influence. How can you be so thoughtless? Condescending so low to tweeting this? I mean, you’ve always been low but never this low.

Am glad to see Noble Igwe’s tweet. It is cause of jerks like Wizkid that this space exists. And I’ll continually torment his and every one’s life that is stupid enough to be this useless. Like karma, I just fucking never go away….I’ll haunt you passionately, I’ll cc you on twitter, and even if it means only you reading it, that’ll be most fulfilling.

To wizkid: no be for your head poor man start to dey hammer. So take am easy. Go for HIV test…………….. E no dey fear person, e no get cure and e no dey show for face.

AIDS is REAL

Mysteriously yours

The Great Anonymous.

@TWEETORACLE: The Randy Twitter Lord!

A blog visitor drew my attention to a self acclaimed ‘ world class (twitter) PR Guru’ . In recent times, social media publicity has seen a huge boost, with brands looking to twitter ‘Lords’, ‘Celebs’ or ‘promoters’ with thousands of followers for on the spot brand publicity, and in this new wave is @tweetoracle with an impressive 48,402 twitter followers, which might increase before you are done reading this post.

He talks dirty, sexually provocative tweets and real adults ish. He deletes followers(with notification) who think they have an opinion. He’s rude, saucy and very randy. However he still gets new and new followers. Indeed sex sells!

But the big question is, how many brands will be willing to filth their image for his publicity? How many of them will want his sexually provocative tweets right above or beneath their publicity tweets? Will it be worth it??

Mysteriously yours

The Great Anonymous.

Rukky Sanda & Her Badly Dressed Colleagues

Wait, am I the only one who knows for a fact that blonde hair on black girls is dumb? And crazier on Nigerian girls? Its like ‘ honey, who tha fuck are you fooling?’
Well, Rukky’s definitely in shambles at this supposed premiere, a total drag and wash-down rocking that hellish wig ‘Like you cudda been less obvious and more discreet with a natural looking hair, Duuuuuuhhhh!!!!!.

Rukky looked generously ‘FAT, UGLY & CHEAP (FUC)’ who the fuck would agree to wear such an ugly dress to her own event? It fucking looked like Monalisa Chinda invited all those terribly dressed people and Rukky tagged along as an extra or damn seat filler, cause Mona is the only not-so-terribly-dressed person there.

Well, other regular red carpet whores in attendance includes Alex Ekubo (YET AGAIN) who I honestly don’t know what exactly he does other than splash his face around every and any party in town, like the dude should take gazillion broken seats behind and chill for a sec.
Alex sure didn’t disappoint as he dressed the part with his hideous Elton John inspired glasses and more than horrible looking suit.

Then of course, ‘has been actresses’ Oge Okoye and Ebube Nwagbo, who have become event goers rather than focusing on their already dead careers. Between, while your at it, you two should atleast lobby for a good script that might revive your comatose careers and not forgetting the most relevant part; fire your make up artists(cause you two sure looked dreadfully ugly), invest in good looking natural hair extensions( consult Tiwa Savage for some pointers) GRAB A STYLIST( this is CRUCIAL to your God-Knows-What careers, you might wanna look the part).

Well, Dammy Krane looked OK! Nice shades…..but wasn’t it a night event?
And the dude with the grey jacket who I’d to really ask around to know his first name- Kenneth, looked Ok and random. But boy, he’s got a HOT physique and smile. Had to google him for some more hot photos, who knew he was once a Mr Nigeria??# Winks.

Mysteriously yours

The Great Anonymous.

TGIF…………

Nothing sounds more reasonable right now than the names of clubs …………..am not talking free-for-all clubs. I was born for exclusivity. Am young, and should totally enjoy my youth. Need to call up my club promoter ‘friend’ for some VIP passes ( that’s why they’re there, for times like this……….gotta do what I gotta do).

What will you be doing today?

When Struggling Rapper Munachi, Bit More Than she Could Chew

It all started as an epic twitter fight between two industry heavyweights, Rihanna Vs. Teyana. All A-list American stars in their own rights. And then suddenly our not-so-successful Nigerian struggling Rapper Munachi Abii felt the strong need to be party to the clash of the titans when she laughed out too loud at the expense of RiRi……

Hold on Muna, I hope you are aware that a single hateful mention from Rihanna will shut down that budding career you’re obviously struggling with? Well, of course, RiRi couldn’t have seen the tweet. Who’s Muna at her feet?? Urhmmm……..NOBODY!!!

Well, RiRi didn’t have to stoop so low, to dignify Muna with a response. Muna’s fans actually did the dirty job of tossing her back to the little curb she peaked out of….

To say she was thoroughly ‘clapped’ at will be a gross understatement. Muna got it served hot like she wanted it.

LOL. Which of these epic punch lines do you think was most deserving of Muna and her lousy attitude??.

Tonto Dikeh……… In need of a stylist!

Hi Tonto. Heard about your suicide attempt. I am terribly sorry about that. And the depression? Heart breaking too.

I see you doing some appearances. Well, I call it ceasing the moment. How best to rebrand than when there’s so much sympathy out there for you? Kudos to your publicist.

Well, the not-so-great news is your stylist. What’s his name again? Jeremiah or Swanky? Well, whatever. Even a street girl will dress you better. The dress for the Rukky Sanda’s movie premiere, reminds us all of the old Tonto. The image am sure you worked your butts off to change. Well, sack the dude. He’s NOT stylish!

A stylist is supposed to create looks that relate completely to your brand and image. Not just create, but carefully maintains it through your choice of clothes, hair, shoes, accessories. And he’s failed woefully. Except of course if your old self is back again.

A word is enough for the wise*

Mysteriously Yours

The Great Anonymous

Beverly’s Tweet………When thank you pierce through hearts!

DAMN!! Thought I could do this shiit! That tweet just melted my stony heart, LOL. Beverly damn me. Damn us all! You have a beautiful heart, and that’s what matters most. Damn BBA and whatever happened in there. Your career should not be defined by it. I am rarely nice. But I find my self writing this.

NOTE Bev:

SURVIVAL TIPS

1. Get a mentor. Genevieve Nnaji will be best for you. She’s been there, done that.

2. Get a publicist. Vanessa Amadi seems to be doing an amazing job with Dbanj and Genevieve.

3. Get a good stylist. None of those runs girls, cause they know nada about fashion. Get someone fresh, with impeccable style, sense of trend and appropriateness.

4. Never ever talk about you, Angelo or BBA. Your interviews should focus on you, your hopes for the future and growing career. BBA was a phase, and its over.

5. Keep your private life, private. Check what you say even to ‘friends’ I quoted this cause the industry is shady. And your friends might be feeding the tabloids for all you know.

Well, I hope with these 5 tips, your life in the industry will be blissful and worthwhile.

XoXo

The Great Anonymous.